I wrote this song once. I called it “what we’ll see”. Basically I wrote it at a time when I wasn’t sure which way God was directing me in a very specific relationship. It was a time of unknown and I wrote this song as a cry for guidance and truth.



Here are the lyrics:



Written in Seattle, WA Feburary 19th 2008





What We’ll See



Rainbow placed in the sky

High enough to catch my eye

Losing it’s colors through the darkening sky



Oceans I have not seen

Waves hiding where I’ve been

Losing my footprints through the high tide



Take it away

High, high tide away





Day by day I’ve lost my sight

Forgetting to live my life

Always looking for a better day



A spoken word and I’m redeemed

Promises are guaranteed

Holding my breath, I anticipate





What we’ll see

What do you see?



I look into your light and push away all the lies

Won’t you tell me, what do you see?

What do you see?





Oh, you’re blinding me blinding me

Tell me what we’ll be

What we’ll be



A year and I’ll forget to sing

Having passed through all my dreams

Holding your hand I’ll have known to wait

When I wrote this song I was convicted about something. That I was looking towards the end instead of focusing on the present. I longed so much to know what God wanted of me, that I forgot to remember why I was serving Him. This song embodies so many of my emotions now. I long to “look into the light, and push away all the lies”. Why does God sometimes not reveal His plan right away? Why must we bleed before He sutures?
But then who am I to complain about bleeding? Was it not Jesus who gave all of His life blood so we could have life?
Life passes by so fast. I just got done with my year with CTI Music Ministries. It seriously was like a footprint in the sand, or a rainbow fading in the sky.
I’m taking some time this week to just quiet myself before my God. And listen. No fear of the outcome. Just listen. I am willing to put in the preparation for what God desires for my life. Or is it preparation?
Maybe us human beings are so preoccupied by “arriving” that we miss the point. Preparation? Or simply resting with our Savior?

I hope I never forget to sing. I never want to wake up one morning realizing I walked right through my dreams and didn’t give God the glory for every moment. Holding His hands I’ll know to wait…
Paz

Sometimes I listen to music as I try to fall asleep at night. It helps me put everything in perspective. I think that's why I love music so much. It heals. It renews. It speaks.

Without going into over dramatic detail or negativity, let me just say that the past month or so have been really difficult and challenging for me.

I'm coming to the end of my year with CTI. I'm trying to navigate my way through decisions that will affect the rest of my life. College. No college. Music. Writing. A job. Relationships. Money. The works.

I get overwhelmed and lose hope so easily. I hate to admit it. I want everybody to see me as a person full of faith. But the truth is. I'm not. Most of the time I'm left sitting on the ground looking up asking,
"what were you thinking God?" That's the truth.

And then God will just knock me to me knees in awe. Maybe it's a little thing, or a huge thing. But it always happens.

Right now. This very instant, God is authoring a story that He started at the beginning of time. Who am I to think that I can control any of what He writes? I am humbled to think of it even now.

None of this was a coincidence. Adam. Eve. Sin. Satan. Israel. Hosea. 400 years of silence (boy do I know that feeling). Jesus. Wow.

How can I forget? I feel like Job stuttering in my stupidity. Who am I?

Redemption. Redemption's story. It didn't stop 2 thousand years ago when Jesus gave His precious life for us. It's still going on whether we realize it or not.

((SPOILER WARNING: If you have not seen the movie " I am Legend" and want to please don't read the rest of my blog as I will explain it and talk about different parts of it that hit me... sorry.... go watch it if you're really attached to the idea of reading my blog))


I think out of all the things in this world that gets me excited it's this. The fact that story, song, music, film, paintings, science, all of them, they all speak, whisper, SHOUT God's redemption.

A few months back I watched "I am Legend". Say what you will about it. I thought it was good although really sad and kind of spooky at times.

Here is a brief synopsis of the movie courtesy of imdb.com

"Robert Neville is a scientist who was unable to stop the spread of the terrible virus that was incurable and man-made. Immune, Neville is now the last human survivor in what is left of New York City and perhaps the world. For three years, Neville has faithfully sent out daily radio messages, desperate to find any other survivors who might be out there. But he is not alone. Mutant victims of the plague -- The Infected -- lurk in the shadows... watching Neville's every move... waiting for him to make a fatal mistake. Perhaps mankind's last, best hope, Neville is driven by only one remaining mission: to find a way to reverse the effects of the virus using his own immune blood. But he knows he is outnumbered... and quickly running out of time." Written by Warner Bros. Pictures


Here we have a story about humans who've been infected by a deadly virus of their own making. It's destroyed them. Oddly enough it seems only one man was immune to the virus and therefore lives. He spends 3 years developing antidotes to save these mutants. The cure? It's in his blood.

Here is the last scene of this movie... if you really want to see the movie don't watch it ok? Ok thanks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mjGH2YHtjk


What a beautiful picture of God's story. I'm beginning to wonder. Is nothing safe from God? I look around me and I see movies, music, stories, secular or Christian, it doesn't matter, they're all saying the same thing.

We messed up. We need help. There is an antidote. It is in the blood. Of one man. He is willing and has saved us.
We're all mutants torn by sin. But in every truly good story, there is always a cure, there is always a way out.

So when I see a movie with a man willing to die for the human race, I think, God.

And then I forget, and I start worrying about my own problems. God couldn't possibly handle my story. Right? I want to write it. I want it to be beautiful. Sometimes I'm not willing to go through ugly things to get to the beautiful.

End of story? Nooooooooot quite. I still don't have many answers to my life. I think that's something we as humans always will face, but in the words of a song I love, "many things about tomorrow, I can't seem to understand. But I know who holds the future. And I know, who holds my hand."

I'll leave the ending up to Him....


Paz todos,
Vanita

It's been such a long/short amazing/hard fantastic/strange year.


It's hard to believe my time with CTI is coming to an end.


For those of you who don't know I've been working on the amazing "team grubb" for the past 2 weeks, feeding the hungry summer teamers who come here to train musically before they go to their overseas destination.


It's been a huge challenge and probably the most domestic thing I've done my entire life.

God has a wicked sense of humor.


I am excited to come home. I have a wedding to be a bridesmaid in and I have to make plans for my life after CTI.

More on that specific topic soon... For now, I have a plane ticket for July 25th. I'll be flying into Harrisburg around 8:30.


How the year flies,

I miss you all.

Vanita