Sometimes I listen to music as I try to fall asleep at night. It helps me put everything in perspective. I think that's why I love music so much. It heals. It renews. It speaks.
Without going into over dramatic detail or negativity, let me just say that the past month or so have been really difficult and challenging for me.
I'm coming to the end of my year with CTI. I'm trying to navigate my way through decisions that will affect the rest of my life. College. No college. Music. Writing. A job. Relationships. Money. The works.
I get overwhelmed and lose hope so easily. I hate to admit it. I want everybody to see me as a person full of faith. But the truth is. I'm not. Most of the time I'm left sitting on the ground looking up asking,
"what were you thinking God?" That's the truth.
And then God will just knock me to me knees in awe. Maybe it's a little thing, or a huge thing. But it always happens.
Right now. This very instant, God is authoring a story that He started at the beginning of time. Who am I to think that I can control any of what He writes? I am humbled to think of it even now.
None of this was a coincidence. Adam. Eve. Sin. Satan. Israel. Hosea. 400 years of silence (boy do I know that feeling). Jesus. Wow.
How can I forget? I feel like Job stuttering in my stupidity. Who am I?
Redemption. Redemption's story. It didn't stop 2 thousand years ago when Jesus gave His precious life for us. It's still going on whether we realize it or not.
((SPOILER WARNING: If you have not seen the movie " I am Legend" and want to please don't read the rest of my blog as I will explain it and talk about different parts of it that hit me... sorry.... go watch it if you're really attached to the idea of reading my blog))
I think out of all the things in this world that gets me excited it's this. The fact that story, song, music, film, paintings, science, all of them, they all speak, whisper, SHOUT God's redemption.
A few months back I watched "I am Legend". Say what you will about it. I thought it was good although really sad and kind of spooky at times.
Here is a brief synopsis of the movie courtesy of imdb.com
"Robert Neville is a scientist who was unable to stop the spread of the terrible virus that was incurable and man-made. Immune, Neville is now the last human survivor in what is left of New York City and perhaps the world. For three years, Neville has faithfully sent out daily radio messages, desperate to find any other survivors who might be out there. But he is not alone. Mutant victims of the plague -- The Infected -- lurk in the shadows... watching Neville's every move... waiting for him to make a fatal mistake. Perhaps mankind's last, best hope, Neville is driven by only one remaining mission: to find a way to reverse the effects of the virus using his own immune blood. But he knows he is outnumbered... and quickly running out of time." Written by Warner Bros. Pictures
Here we have a story about humans who've been infected by a deadly virus of their own making. It's destroyed them. Oddly enough it seems only one man was immune to the virus and therefore lives. He spends 3 years developing antidotes to save these mutants. The cure? It's in his blood.
Here is the last scene of this movie... if you really want to see the movie don't watch it ok? Ok thanks.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mjGH2YHtjk
What a beautiful picture of God's story. I'm beginning to wonder. Is nothing safe from God? I look around me and I see movies, music, stories, secular or Christian, it doesn't matter, they're all saying the same thing.
We messed up. We need help. There is an antidote. It is in the blood. Of one man. He is willing and has saved us.
We're all mutants torn by sin. But in every truly good story, there is always a cure, there is always a way out.
So when I see a movie with a man willing to die for the human race, I think, God.
And then I forget, and I start worrying about my own problems. God couldn't possibly handle my story. Right? I want to write it. I want it to be beautiful. Sometimes I'm not willing to go through ugly things to get to the beautiful.
End of story? Nooooooooot quite. I still don't have many answers to my life. I think that's something we as humans always will face, but in the words of a song I love, "many things about tomorrow, I can't seem to understand. But I know who holds the future. And I know, who holds my hand."
I'll leave the ending up to Him....
Paz todos,
Vanita
Comments (2)
Vanita, thank you for sharing your heart so openly. I can so relate to your thoughts and feelings right now. I can't wait to see what God has in store as He writes the book of your life. I love you!!!
Hey...PA misses you!